Pazia: Let Me Kill Your Oldest Son
Passover
God says: let me kill your oldest son.
Mark your door with lamb’s blood.
Do you want mercy?
Did you do this?
Drink hard.
I can because I don’t remember.
My pussy tastes good because they tell me so.
I am a good fuck because I have a memory.
God turned water into blood.
Bring on another plague.
Laugh when they ask you why it’s over.
Don’t be a witness.
I just want to feel myself like a nude in great lighting.
I just want a mediocre fuck, a hand against the neck, a second to last breath.
I wish I knew why we can’t forgive ourselves.
The truth is that there is lead in the water.
The truth is that bed bugs can live for a whole year without feeding.
The truth is that everyone has STDs.
I know the truth because I read the liberal media.
They just want to make all my decisions for me.
I just want to get fucked hard and give nothing away.
I just want to swallow an orange whole and let it sit in my gullet.
I just want to cut myself open to see what kinds of things I am made up of.
I just want to empty myself until there is only an exhale.
Where is my no.
Where is my split sea.
Did I give you permission.
My pussy tastes good because they tell me so.
The first time was almost nothing.
The next time was like watching blood weave through a toilet bowl.
God freed the Jews and so I drink.
The Jews kill Palestinians and we file our nails and eat fruits and travel to countries that aren’t ours.
Eyewitness accounts are notoriously unreliable.
I know it happened because I can’t remember.
Some days I want to suck marrow straight out of you.
I hate picturing God naked.
The truth is I can’t find my keys.
The truth is a slow moving ecological disaster.
The truth is if I keep forgetting I may scratch myself to pieces.
The truth is don’t touch me.
Pazia is a queer poet and public school teacher living in Brooklyn. She is currently working on two different poetry collections, one of which is a long form confessional poem in verse. Her poetry lives in small corners of the internet and can be found in EOAGH and The Bridge.
